mildly concussed.

today was not awesome. and yet, it was. it started out pretty normal. i got up around 730. i woke cw a few moments later. he wanted me to shave his head before school. no problem. he walked into my bathroom and stripped down to his boxer briefs. about five minutes in, he started whining. why is it taking so long? stop pulling the clippers through my hair so hard. this is miserable. hurry up. you are never cutting my hair again. fine, i always say. a few moments later, he told me to stop and, kind of, staggered forward. i thought he was kidding. being dramatic to really play up how annoyed he was with my head-buzzing performance. he stepped toward the counter and fell forward. as he started to fall back, i realized he wasn't kidding and grabbed him before he hit the floor, sliding to my bottom from the weight. his body was really stiff and he was sweating. his eyes closed and he went really limp. at that point, i started saying his name. in a very loud voice. aw heard me and came in. bw and gw were watching cartoons on my bed. i said his name, four or five times and he didn't respond. he was out. aw asked what was wrong. i told her to grab my phone. cw had turned pretty pale and his breathing was slow and really shallow. aw brought me the phone and as i was dialing mw, i noticed that cw's lips were blue and he was not breathing. i shook him a little and, after about five seconds, leaned in just as he startled and took a deep breath. the phone was on speaker and ringing loudly. i figured mw was out in the clinic. but he picked up, just as i was calling cw's name. by that time, bw had wandered in and he and aw were watching. we must have looked pretty crazy, as cw's head was partially shaved, he was in his underwear, covered in hair, and i was sitting on the floor, also covered in hair, cradling him in my lap. mw answered and i quickly told him what was going on. he started asking questions, his partner in the background, asking too. cw finally said, "i can hear you, mom, but i can't see you." his skin was the sallowest shade of yellow. and he was horribly sweaty. i asked mw to come home. cw was in and out for a few minutes, but his breathing started to return to normal. mw asked if i thought i needed to call 911. at that point, it was still a question mark. aw and bw came back into the bathroom with a glass of water and i was able to prop cw up and get him a drink. he started to talk to me, but said he still couldn't see. that he saw wavy lines and dots of bright light. i hung up with mw when he said he was on his way. cw and i said a prayer, that his strength would return and that i would know the right things to do. a few moments later, mw walked in. cw was pale and shaky and not quite steady on his feet, but he was totally lucid and could see our outlines. mw checked him out, gave him a blessing, and we determined that we should call the pediatrician. we brainstormed out loud some possible causes. my first thought was that he had had a mild seizure or maybe that he had locked his knees as he was standing and fainted. i asked if he had taken any serious hits at football the night before. he and mw both replied that nothing out of the ordinary had happened. but, cw said, he had gotten lit up by a kid that he said hit like a freight train. he caught him right under the shoulder pads, in the front of his left shoulder. he hit the ground but didn't hit his head. he said he thought, wow. i just got crushed. but he shook it off and hopped back in line. mw agreed that the hit was solid, but not awkward. so we got the other kids ready and cw asked that i shave the rest of his head (always thinking, that one). i dropped the middle two at school and headed to the doctors' office, as i tried to get them on the phone. they finally opened and answered a few minutes before i pulled into the lot, and they got him right in. dr. h checked his pupils and his reflexes. she asked him some questions and what the hit the night before had felt like. she concluded that he had a mild concussion, based on current symptoms. she said that some concussions manifest themselves 24-48 hours after an injury occurs. she recalled that we have a family history of heart murmurs and heart disease and decided to order an EKG to rule out any underlying problems. she asked me if i wanted to have him reevaluated before his last game, four days away. uh, no. no thank you. i think i said, he's nine. so no. that won't be necessary. he's done. she agreed that she would make the same call if it was her son, but that many parents want their children reevaluted closer to game day to see if they can be cleared to play. i said, again, he's nine. she kind of laughed. it doesn't seem to matter to some, she said. she looked at cw and said, you've got plenty of good years left to play football. but you only have one brain, and you're going to need it for the rest of your life. he nodded and said okay. so we left. drove across the street to seattle children's cardiac and respiratory satellite office, where cw got his first EKG. he called mw when we left, and told him what dr. h had said. he cried a little, the first time all morning, when he told mw he couldn't play on saturday. he said mw told him he felt like crying too, but that it was because he was glad he was okay. and also a little bit because he loved watching him quarterback and he was bummed he wouldn't get to watch him one last time this season. and so, at the end of this terrible, horrible, no good very bad day, there is a very great ending. there will be other seasons, other injuries, i have no doubt. but i feel very blessed this time. and though i hate to play the "what if" game, i can't help but be very thankful that it was a mild concussion and not a life-altering injury. i am thankful for a beautiful son, so full of life and kindness and compassion. so strong physically on the field and mentally in the classroom. i am thankful for knowledgable doctors and supportive friends. cw's teammates rallied around him. his two best buddies wore his number on their helmets at their last game. their younger siblings wore his number on their cheeks. his EKG came back totally normal. it was a fluke hit. he is, long term, no worse for wear. he is hanging out with aw at recess for now, playing non-contact four square, instead of his usual full field soccer. i am thankful, for him, for a hf that knows cw, and me, and our family, for the spirit in our home that helped us stay calm when it would have been so easy to panic, for helpful, insightful younger children, and a son that makes me smile.